So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
