So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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