I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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