She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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