I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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