That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
