Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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