If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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