I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
