it hurts more in the daytime
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
