I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
