She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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