There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
