Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My ass is underappreciated
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
