I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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