A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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