before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
