i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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