imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
