dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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