Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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