it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
