I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
