butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
