i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
