I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
