Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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