if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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