I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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