there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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