He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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