So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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