I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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