Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize