I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
