she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
