There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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