you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
