i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
