I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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