I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
