Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
