even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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