Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
