When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize