trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
