Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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