i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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