what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
