I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
