I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
