the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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