Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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