he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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