It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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