he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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