I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
