Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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