spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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