I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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