I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
from now on my penis is your penis
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize