9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
ok first of all what the fuck
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
