So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
