Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I am one with the molecules
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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