Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Houston, we have a blender
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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