Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
