im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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