we have officially lost it.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
