Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize