cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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