i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
